On December 10, 1983, on my mom's 54th birthday, I showed
up to take care of her
in her final months of living with cancer. I was 24. I
did the shopping, housework,
I bathed her, fed her, gave her medication, changed her
dressings, massaged her,
let her yell at me one minute and laugh the next when the
cancer entered her brain,
and spent every minute I could with her.
She was in insurmountable pain. With all the pills
available, she just couldn't stand it.
It was extremely hard to watch this feisty, independent
thinking woman that used to
stop me in my tracks just by putting her fingernails on
my scalp, withering away at 75 lbs.
I remember getting in a contest with her to see who could
lose 20 lbs the fastest
when we both weighed in at 165 lbs. - 7 years earlier !
She won... it was then we discovered the cancer. It was a
most deadly strain.
My best friend's mom had just died of the same strain
that month.
I didn't handle things very well the next few years.
She went
through the gamut of treatments, and they didn't work.
She fought for about 7 years. So there she was on the
last leg of this horrific fight,
losing it with no hope. Sent home to die because the
hospital could do no more.
I was smoking cannabis for the stress I was under, and
she thought that was fine.
She knew it was therapeutic with the dosage I was
consuming, and she relied on
my competence morning, noon and night without regret or
question.
There came a point, just before Christmas when the pain
was too much to bear.
She asked me if cannabis would help her. In my
experience, I said, " Yes, definitely.".
Many people do serious things for the wrong reason, this
was not the case.
We smoked... she got some much needed sleep and I cleaned
the kitchen and
prepared dinner. No crimes committed here. I was grateful
she got some rest.
When she awoke, a most awesome thing happened. SHE WAS
HUNGRY ! I thanked God
and Lord Jesus and cried. I made her some food, she ate
it and smiled. She said,
"Kathy, I had no idea. I wish I knew sooner how this
helps."
I told her " You know now, so whenever you need it
mom, just tell me."
So from then on until I had to leave just before her
death, we smoked, we talked,
at one point she wanted to know why she had to share with
me. I smiled and said,
" To share in this stressful time, and to keep it
lit."
She didn't understand so I rolled one for her, lit it and
handed it to her to smoke.
Every other 'puff' as she called it, I had to re-light it
for her, so she understood.
It didn't become an issue after that.
Her hospital bed was situated in the breakfast area off
the side of the livingroom.
There was a 'pass through' in the wall if anyone wanted
food or coffee passed through to
the breakfast area but now we were using it to talk to
each other while I was in the kitchen.
One time I recall vividly, We had just smoked before I
prepared dinner so she could
rest before she ate. She had just received this beautiful
music box that had one of
her favorite classical music pieces, and she was playing
it while she was resting,
waiting for dinner. Her eyes were closed, her fists were
under her back, (part of her
spine had been fused.) and her legs were rocking side to
side. Her look was peaceful.
Her husband came into the kitchen to discuss her comfort.
We must have been a
bit too loud because all of a sudden her forehead got all
crinkly and she said in a whisper...
"SSShhhhhh.... I'm skating ! "
We were disturbing her visualization of that peaceful
place where cannabis helped her go.
Before she died on January 29, 1984, she learned of it's
benefits. Please don't watch
your loved ones wither away and die before at least
giving cannabis a chance. Obtain it
any way you can for their comfort. It is the most
compassionate thing you can do.
The law is wrong. They deserve that much comfort from the
pain. I've seen it.
Nobody will EVER convince me different.
Rest in peace, Mom. God knows you didn't get much of that
here on earth.
